Achieving Empathy

November 23, 2009  | 

There’s a reason people say “try walking a mile in their shoes“. Achieving empathy isn’t just about putting yourself in someone else’s position, it’s also about seeing that position from someone else’s perspective. True empathy is being able to strip away your own thoughts, feelings and judgment in order to clearly see a situation through someone else eyes, with their heart, filters and experiences taken into account. Most people make the mistake of just putting themselves in another’s position and saying “what would I do if I were in this situation?”. This approach often leads to poor judgment calls, misunderstandings and bad advice. Why? Because experiencing empathy isn’t about how you think or feel at all. It’s about simulating what they are experiencing and relating to it. Even in an identical scenario, they’ll never think, feel or behave quite the same way as you would.

Of course, we’ll never get perfect at achieving empathy – our brains are (sadly) wired to put ourselves at the center of the action. The good news is that we can take steps to improve our approach to get better insights into the hearts and minds of others. It starts by first taking ourselves completely out of the equation and then asking “what is this person feeling/thinking based on their experiences, and how can I relate to that”. This is hard to do, but it’ll get you off on the right foot. Once you focus on the shoes, you’ll be in a much better position to know what it really feels like to walk the mile.

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  • I'm also working with a non-profit that is in the process of re-branding (name change) and expanding their presence in social media. (I'll give you more data when we launch in 30 days) They are working with kids who are very smart but live below the poverty level. You're spot on when you say, "Everyone wants to make a direct connection to the person/people they are helping and see the results of that aid given back to them."

    We plan to feature students, teachers and parents telling their story of how the program has changed the life of a child. They also have many success stories to tell about students that started young and are now in college. Hearing the student's story, and tracking their progress through school, connects the donor to the recipient and sparks the empathy you speak of.

    An amazing organization that you may have heard of is Room to Read - establishing thousands of libraries in a number of countries. Check out: http://www.roomtoread.org/Page.aspx?pid=311

    Charity:Water - charitywater.org - has a program called MyCharity:Water in which you can raise funds to dig a well - mycharitywater.org - this makes a direct connection from the donors to the project.

    Also check out Stay Classy - www.stayclassy.org - which is a San Diego based company that supports nonprofit ffunding efforts. They allow anyone, not just the nonprofits, to create a fundraising event.

    Over in London is an amazing group called Leap Anywhere - www.leapanywhere.com - that is all about people having fun while raising funds for charity. Helping nonprofits while networking with like-mined folks is another focus in addition to creating empathy.
  • Thanks so much Mark. I wasnt aware of a few of these. Can't wait to check
    these out. This'll definitely help. See...you were the right person to ask.
    ;-)
  • I didn't catch this until after Thanksgiving, but the topic of empathy lies at the heart of the holiday season, as we count our own blessings and consider those less fortunate. Doing so from their perspective, really being in their shoes, gives us a sense of what others are going through - very wise advice Steffan!
  • The topic has been on my mind for a while now, not just because it's the holidays, although it is particularly appropriate timing. Perhaps this will resonate with you - I've been doing some web work with a non-profit these past few weeks and I find that, in many situations, what makes the difference for the success of campaigns (sparking participation, increasing donations, getting web-site visitors to participate in conversation etc) is (first) triggering empathy and (second) designing in a feedback loop that starts with a small, measurable/finite request for participation. Triggering empathy is tough though - you've got to be a master story teller. Text doesnt work (people don't read), and enticing participation with marketing that includes impersonal pictures and videos of "lots" of people who need help doesn't work either. Donors want to "feel" that they have made a difference via feedback - everyone wants to make a direct connection to the person/people they are helping and see the results of that aid given back to them. This is the magic formula that non-profits need to shoot for.

    That's the long-story about why I have empathy on the brain. Do you have any examples of non-profits on the web that are innovating? You're the perfect perfect person to help me answer these questions. Ideas? Examples? I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts.
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